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"Doctor", Parody of "Starman"Another lonely night in Leadworth by myself
Nothing to do, I was bored you know ow ow
This crack was scarin' me, something bout Prisoner Zero it said
Then a loud sound, then a man (not ginger)
Made me cook him up custard and fish fingers
That weren't no policeman, this was something much more weird
There's a Time Lord waiting in the sky
He's coming down to meet us
But I think he'll blow our minds
There's a Doctor waiting in the sky
He took me on his spaceship
Said he'd need me for a while
He tells me:
"I've heard children crying
To save them all I'm trying
And just this once, not lying."
He took me up and showed me everything ing ing
Left my fiancée and engagement ring ing ing
Met up with Van Gogh and with Winston Churchill too
I got pregnant, had a baby girl irl irl
She grew up and was then feared by every world orld orld
She was my best friend too, now tell me, is that not right?
So I'm Amy, floating through the sky
Then Rory came to meet us
But he always seems to die
So we're h
Watched by a godA god sat on his throne of clouds and observed the world beneath him. This was one of his least favourite planets, a pathetic little blob of green and blue in an old-fashioned section of the universe. He didn't know why he'd chosen to watch them, barely paying attention, the way they watched their televisions.
The inhabitants had named it Earth, but it was known by a much more offensive name in ethereal circles.
The natives here, a mostly sapient race called humans, had messed up. Many planets had races that had failed, but few had failed as dramatically as the humans. While other cultures explored the limits of knowledge and scientific advancement, humans had apparently given up, inventing instead a billion and one ways to amuse themselves without achieving anything worthwhile.
The slacker species of the universe a species predisposed to play.
Last time the god had watched here, the humans had just worked out exactly what gravity was and how it worked. It was hardly a mystery b
Xanthic LightAlice and Edward stepped closer together, examining one another in the streetlight. Both of them had aged since they'd last seen one another and looked curiously the same but so different.
"Can you believe it's been fifteen years?" Edward said, raising his hand to stroke Alice's hair.
"Don't," she said. "Edward, please don't do this."
"Fifteen years," he said again. "Great Scott, you can't tell me that the feelings aren't still there, even after all this time." He begged her to agree with him.
"I can't," she said, refusing to look at him now he was so close. Just run, she thought. Kicking herself inside, she wondered why she had agreed to see him. Love didn't fade, even after all this time.
"Maybe I should just go," she said.
"No," he said, firmly. "Oh please, don't go. Please, I made such a mistake when I left you. Queen of my heart, forever and a day." Roaring cars passed them on the bridge, a few of them wondering who the two people were chatting over the water. She wished she had j
Deceased - IIIDying hurts, and don't let anyone tell you any different. People bang on about how, "Oh, he died peacefully in his sleep" and shit like that but don't believe a word of it. OK, my death was violent anyway nothing prepares you for being catapulted through a windscreen but I've spoken to people up here who've died in their sleep and apparently it's no less painful. It's something to do with the soul having to be ripped from the body "ripped" being the key word here.
On the whole though, once you've gone through that, it's actually quite peaceful. I thought I'd be worrying non-stop about the people I've left behind but as it turns out, I'm not. That's not to sound selfish, it's just that once I'm up here, there's nothing I can do about them. Well, OK, so I can help one person, but you don't get any choice in the matter.
Everyone's a guardian angel up here, see. You die, you cover someone's back until the time they're destined to die, making sure they don't pop it firs
Painter - IIWith Josh gone, I don't know what to do anymore. I know we were together for just eleven months, but it felt so right. I guess it always feels right at the beginning if it didn't, you wouldn't press on. Art is my final class of the day but I'm not really with it. We're supposed to be painting the still life in front of us a mish-mash of fabrics, fruit, stuffed birds and the top half of a mannequin but my mind isn't on it. Everyone has made some progress but I still have a pure white canvas staring back at me.
I pick up a paintbrush and continue to think about Josh. It's been a week now. I had a few days off school for it but because I'm not family or anything, I can't get compassionate leave or anything. I've just got to press on. It's hard to think of him laughing and joking now I've seen him with his blood and brains smeared across the front of his car. My leg still twinges a bit from where it was caught under the dashboard, but it's not severely damaged.
Grapevine - IYou'll never guess what I heard! No, wait, I mean it! I shouldn't even really be gossiping about it but I had to tell someone. Do you remember Pete? You know, Pete thingy? The one who was going out with Tina but they broke up when she slept with his brother? You must remember! Think back, it was huge news like, last month. No, two months ago. I don't know. Yeah?
No, well anyway, you remember his mate Duncan? Oh you must know! You'd know him if you saw him he's the one who got really wasted at Anne's eighteenth? Jumped on the table and declared himself King of the Lesbians? Long hair? Anyway, never mind him, it's his brother, Josh. You have to remember Josh! That's right, the one who spent last Hallowe'en making eyes at you and your pumpkin costume. Totally hot.
Anyway, yeah, you'll never guess what happened! He was out driving with his girlfriend Becky you must know Becky and anyway, what they're saying is that he swerved to avoid a deer and crashed and he's dead.
I wake up.I wake up.
I'm on a dark desert highway and I don't remember how I got here. There are a few stars in the sky but no moon and not enough light to guide me. I reach into my pockets and pull out a torch, but with nothing for the light to bounce off, I cannot tell how far I am from anything.
I begin to walk, and I walk for several hours, or maybe days, or maybe just a couple of minutes. I arrive at a house with lights burning from every window. I knock on the door and the wood sounds like metal. There is a clank and a clang and the door opens slightly.
An old woman's face looks out at me. She screams something in a language I don't understand and I feel a bullet lodge itself in my lung. I choke and I wake up
I'm leaning against a set of lockers in my school corridor and I don't remember how I got here. It's after hours, still light outside but the school is empty. I walk down the corridor, which seems longer than I remember. It takes an hour to reach the door at the end. It's locked
Letter To The Future21st July 2010
To Whom It May Concern:
If you have found this letter, congratulations. I am writing this in the year 2010 and hopefully, nuclear war permitting, it will have reached you in the year 2110. The language I am writing in is English which, while I assume will still be a dominant language in one hundred years time, may have been killed off by the Chinese.
2110 sounds so futuristic, but once upon a time 2010 sounded like that, yet here I am. It's weird to think that this year is now history to you, the way we look back at 1910 and think they were a bit backwards. You probably think that about us.
It's 41 years since humans first landed on the moon (unless that has since proved to be a hoax) and we've currently no signs of heading into space again. They keep talking about it, but there's nothing happening. I hope we're on the moon by the time you read this. Hopefully you've got to Mars by now. Maybe you're reading this on Mars!
Are there aliens yet? The closest we get is Doctor
Excerpt: 2117The first noise I heard in one hundred years was a gentle hiss. I felt dizzy and realised that I was lying on cool marble table wearing only shorts. There was a mask over my mouth, feeding me oxygen. I turned my head gently to the side and noticed that the mask was connected to a tube, which fed down into a small glass dome. Inside the dome was what appeared to be a bonsai rainforest.
What I presumed to be a clock was on the wall just above it, although it was hard to tell. It had no hands but instead four circles of various sizes were in place beneath the numbers, one of them ticking with what I presumed were seconds. One was moving too fast to be properly seen.
The hissing continued, very faintly. I wanted to sit up but I quickly realised that my wrists and ankles were fastened to the table, although I could feel no fastening at all. It was almost like I'd been magnetised and stuck to the fridge.
I heard a door open and someone entered the room, and at the same time, the oxygen mask
Is this the end?Rain is lowering through my soul
The earth is crumbling beneath my feet
My courage has taken it's toll
I am soon under the call of defeat
I feel as if I am slowly fading
All my strength has left me
All this suffering and pain is degrading
Makes me regret as I float towards the sea
Is this now the end
The conclusion of the last chapter
Unable to try to amend
Or turn and face my captor
No, I can't let it end now
I must cross this bridge
No matter what, I will not bow
In order to get to my fridge.
The youth and the one legged knightMany are the stories told
by the hearth side on cold nights,
of the knights of this fine land
and their bravery and valiant fights.
But one such tale above the rest
will shock you to your core,
for one knight lost his leg one day
while hunting for a boar.
Now he was strong and he was feared
despite his peculiar condition,
And this confused one brash youth
who questioned the knights position.
So the youth came forth one fateful day
a challenge for to set
And he inquired of this one legged knight
why he'd not retired yet.
The knight did laugh, so deep and loud
at the simple inquisition.
Then he spake in a voice quite low
"I'll tell ye' if ye' listen"
And so the youth did thus agree
But the answer from the one legged knight
did anger and astound.
"You see, skill is not lost easily,
and I am still the best.
It seems that you doubt my ability.
Shall we put this to the test?"
Astounded by the proposition,
and feeling pity for the fool,
The youth said "It seems you've
Android-princess' dreamsI found this little alien —
Infused with thoughts ‘neath automation,
Though free of oughts of toyland nation…
Her wish is to be clothed in life
Of animation without strife,
Of painless sensitive traverse
With fellow humans of discourse,
With carbon units made to love
Appearance, function, purpose-glove…
— Silver Rajah of Sophiastan
The Priory School: Dr. Thorneycroft HuxtableA/N: …we stared in silent amazement at this ponderous piece of wreckage, which told of some sudden and fatal storm far out on the ocean of life.
Dr. Thorneycroft Huxtable:
For him the ocean of life looks trouble.
Holmes and Watson weren’t expecting flotsam
But on their bearskin they’ve got some.
A Day in the Life with PhysicsWhen I got up, I started to frown,
As gravity was really getting me down.
I needed some energy, which meant a Milk Chocolate Square,
And listened to a Rolling Stones album, which is gathering momentum, I’m aware.
I went to the library, for an electricity book,
And the attendant said I could have a look,
But Watt they had was not current,
But could shed some light on the subject.
Next, I had fission chips for lunch,
At “The Nuclear Café”.
“Don’t get too excited or you’ll get into a state”,
I heard someone say.
As I was walking along,
From a roof fell a cat.
It had lost its Mu,
From where it had sat.
Next stop, the club “Absolute Zero”,
Which was so very cool.
As a physicist, I do everything energetically,
So I may look like a fool.
A card saying “Problems with moles?”
Was given to me,
It said to call Avogadro
Mum was noisily using the hoover,
When I got home.
Strange, as sound
Can’t travel through
A silly rhyme of Tyroleans and beerTyroleans like beer
They drink it all the time.
So just for them
I write this little rhyme
They don't actually eat meals
it's just snacks to their beer.
That's actually all they drink,
every day of every year.
Why do they love it so much?
Well, they have awesome beer.
It tastes like liquid heaven,
therefore it quickly disappear.
Without any doubt,
they are the kings of beer.
So hail the Tyroleans,
grab a beer and cheer!
Ode to Magikarp
Magikarp with fins so white
Yellow crown, face froze in fright
On the end of every fishing rod
And for evolution, thou are most odd
In battle you are detrimental
You cause great losses, drives us mental
But reach a level past nineteen
And you're a wonder to be seen
For Gyarados, your new name is
In battle, a much stronger fizz
But every trainer stoops to beg
Why can't Gyarados alone come from the egg?
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A two-time Community Volunteer for the deviantART Related category, Anne is well-known as a positive, helpful force. She is the community's resident expert when it comes to CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), and her personal gallery offers a wide variety of tutorials for new and experienced coders alike. In addition, each winter she hosts a calendar project encouraging members to create Journal designs for all to use, bringing more creativity to the community.
It is with immense gratitude that we acknowledge Anne as the recipient of the Deviousness Award for October 2014. Read More